Brother Dearest
by Orlissa
Summary: Spirit Bound AU. After the "Love fades. Mine has"-scene, Dimitri is deemed safe enough, and he leaves for Russia. His family is happy to have him at home, but Karolina suspects that something is wrong


**Disclaimer**: The Vampire Academy series, its characters and plotlines are all Richelle Mead's property. I only played with them for a short while, from what I have no financial gain.

**Rating**: T, just to be sure.

**Genre**: Family/Hurt/Comfort

**Characters**: Dimitri and Karolina

**Summary**: After the fateful "Love fades. Mine has"-scene Dimitri is deemed safe enough, and is let to go home to Russian. And even though his family is happy to have him alive and well, he is not the same as before. Karolina suspects that something is wrong – and she is determined to find out what it is.

**A/N**: Karolina's Guardian boyfriend was never named in books, so I gave him a name. He's the Ivan you'll read about in the story :) Also, it has been proofread - twice - but hasn't been beta'd. Sorry for the possible grammatical mistakes.

**Word count**: 3106

**Brother Dearest**

I have never believed in miracles.

Miracles were meant for people who were too weak to do something with their own lives or were constantly tortured by their own destiny, and the only thing that helped through the day was the hope in a miracle coming. I have never been one of them. I was working, raising two kids – counting my youngest sister and my other sister's son, four. I have never had neither the time nor the means to chase rainbows, to believe in fairytales and miracles. Of course, there was my crazy, all-knowing, talking-in-riddles grandmother, but for me, she wasn't a miracle. I grew up beside her – she was a part of my everyday life.

Then one day my brother, the one we thought to be dead, who we buried, who we mourned – came home.

He was alive. At first it was like the last few months hadn't even happened in the first place, like the attack in Montana hadn't happened, like he hadn't been killed in action, like he hadn't lived, hunted and killed as a Strigoi for months. Don't ask me how could he came home in the end – on one hand, we didn't really care, and on the other hand, he didn't even tell us enough to understand what had happened. All we knew was that it had a lot to do with the Dragomir Princess, and that from here on in, he wasn't welcomed in the Court as a Guardian anymore. But did we care about it? No – he was alive, and he was at home with us.

Only this Dimitri wasn't the same one whom we had said goodbye to when he had left for the States all those years ago. My brother has always been a good man, somebody who you could always rely on, who helped everyone he could. He could get on well with everyone, and liked to be around other people. He took life with good mood and optimism, and one thing above everything, he did his job with complete devotion. What job! For him, being a Guardian wasn't a job – it was a profession. Something he lived for.

And now? He closed himself from the others, scarcely talked with anybody, and even if you managed to engage him in a conversation, there was hardly a topic he would talk about freely. He didn't even long for to be at the Court again – but if there was someone who couldn't find peace when he couldn't do his work, he was one. I remember when his first charge died a few years ago. He moved home for a few weeks, but even only after a few days, he couldn't stay in one place, because he wanted to be back in action so much. He was afraid that something would happen while he wasn't there or that there would be a decision made without him.

Of course, he found plenty to do around the house as well, now as he has come home. Let's be honest – without him, there was no man in the house, and yes, there were things that we, women, were unable to do. But Dimitri came, got to work methodically, and soon we could properly close the back door, the tap wasn't dripping, and grandma's chair wasn't swaying anymore either. This was my little brother: an amazing Guardian, but a good carpenter as well. And let's not forget to mention that working meant a refuge for him – at least while he was working on something he didn't have to reassure us that everything was all right with him.

But I have to say that none of the things above worried me the most.

But Rose. Or more precisely, her absence.

That fiery, devoted girl, who tore into our lives like a hurricane a few months ago, unintentionally bringing the word of a catastrophe with herself. That girl, at that so tender age, who had taken off to the world all alone, only for my brother. That girl, who had become a daughter to my mother and a sister to me. That girl, who had loved my brother purely, passionately, with all her heart.

Knowing this connection, I expected them – since she didn't come home with him in the first place – to keep in touch someway, to call each other, to exchange letters, or that at least Dimitri would be talking about her constantly, longing for her, or anything – but not. Ever since he'd come home, he wouldn't talk about her, wouldn't even say her name. We started asking about her on the very first day, but all we could learn from him was that she' was all right, no harm was done to her and altogether, we shouldn't worry about her. There was some great problem hiding under the surface, I knew, because I was unable to imagine that my brother wouldn't feel exactly the same way for Rose as she felt for him. Because, for one, when Rose was here it was easy to see from her tales, her behavior that back at the Academy Dimitri had returned her feelings. For two, in my eyes it seemed impossible that Dimitri wouldn't love her, because she was exactly the woman I could imagine him with.

For some time, I waited. Waited for something to change, for something to get better. For Dimitri to melt the ice around himself, for him to calm down, for a day to come when the wall he'd built around himself would tumble down. And even if everything wouldn't become right instantly, it would be a start, even if not an easy one, towards the recovery.

But this didn't happen.

Weeks passed by, and noting really changed. It only seemed like Dimitri was drifting further and further away from us. He'd always find some kind of work to do around the house, which he could use as an excuse for not to spend time with us. On most days, he could be found in the shed behind the house, working on something. He was living with us, and he wasn't. But this couldn't go on for ever. I decided that it was the time for me to interfere.

It was a quiet Friday evening, and we'd just finished dinner – Dimitri, of course, wasn't eating with us; he didn't even step out of the shed since that afternoon. None of us said a thing - we were starting to get used to his behavior. Usually he ate well after us, mostly when we were already asleep, alone. Mum always left a plate out for him. But today, I decided, it would happen differently.

As Viktoria started cleaning the table up, I grabbed the plate meant for Dimitri, and headed for the backyard. Mum only shook her head gently, but I swear I saw the sparks of satisfaction in Grandma's eyes. They said: "Somebody's doing something at last".

Dimitri, of course, was still in the shed, working vehemently. He was polishing some kind of wooden rod, and another half dozen already polished parts were lying in front of him on the workbench – every one of them done with perfect exactitude.

"Hey." I greeted him quietly. "I brought you your dinner."

He was standing with his back to me, and I saw the muscles in his shoulders tense at my voice.

"Thanks. I'll… I'll bring back the plate later." His voice lacked every kind of emotion, and yet, the message was clear: leave me alone. Now, this was what I wouldn't do.

I stepped next to him, put the plate down on one of the shelves, then turned, so I faced him, and leaned to the workbench. My posture said something as well: we have to talk.

"So… what will it be?" I pointed at the wooden pieces. I hoped that some chit-chat would make my job go a little easier.

"A new rocking chair to the living room. The old is a little bit rickety. At first, I only wanted to repair that one, but then I made up my mind, and decided to make a new one instead." Most likely because making a new one would take longer, I thought.

"And when it's done? What are you planning to do?" I asked carefully. He shrugged gently, almost hopelessly. This was a gesture I'd never seen him to do before, and it was scary how strange it seemed for him.

"I think I'll look for some kind of proper job. I can't scrounge on you forever." One little step ahead.

"Great! Listen, if you want me to, I can talk with Ivan, maybe his Moroi or one of his friends needs a new Guardian. I'm sure that as soon as you're back to the market, everyone will try to get you."

"Karo, don't." He said silently. "I don't want to work for Moroi anymore."

"Then what if we talked with the principal of Saint Basil?" I didn't let him get rid of me so quickly. "Rose said that you taught her as well." He trembled slightly upon hearing the girl's name. "I'm sure they would be happy to have such a good and experienced instructor as you are."

"I told you, leave it to be. I don't want to go back either to the Moroi, nor to the Dhampirs." I could sense a touch of anger in his voice. This was a little progress as well – a little bit of emotion.

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I… I don't know yet. I can't expect you to support me on a long run. I'll ask around in town, maybe I'll find something there. At the lumberyard or at the butcher's."

I snorted at it unintentionally.

"Yeah, of course, at least at the butcher's you will be able to use your excellent expertise of using the stake when you have to stab the pig."

He threw the rod he was working on onto the workbench.

"If I'll find a job there, then I'll work there. Money is money." His voice was shaking.

"But why would you do that?" I raised my voice. I stepped from the workbench, and positioned myself so he would have to look into my eyes. "You are an amazing Guardian, one of the best! And you'd just throw it away like that?"

"There's no place for me there anymore! That part of my life has ended, get it already! Even if I wanted to, I couldn't be a Guardian anymore. Nobody wants me there anymore."

"Not even Rose?" I asked calmly, quietly. I hoped to achieve something with her name.

Dimitri turned away from me, and said nothing for a few moments.

"She… it doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it. Good night, Karo."

"Dimka…"

"Leave me now, please. We'll… we'll talk later."

I did what he asked, and stepped out of the shed, into the cool, late-summer air. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get anything more out of him now. He'd already closed even that little opening what I'd just opened during the last few minutes. But this didn't make me back down. Our conversation might had ended, but the night hadn't.

After I went back to the house, I got settled in the kitchen. I sat down to the kitchen table, facing the back door, a good book in my hand. I decided to wait for him. He'd have to come in eventually.

It was way past midnight and everybody had already gone to sleep when the door finally opened. He came silently, almost without a sound.

"Oh… I didn't think you'd be still up." He said to me when he saw me. He seemed completely calm, like our earlier conversation hadn't even happened.

"You know how it is – with two little kids to look after, I don't really have time for reading during the day." I showed him my closed book. "Also, I was hoping I could have a few words with you."

"Then you should have gone to sleep. I'm not really in the mood for chatting." He walked to the sink.

"No problem. I'm never in the mood for fighting with Paul over the housework, yet I have to do it every day." I waited for him to react to this in any way, at least for the corner of his mouth to twitch, but he didn't do anything. Back in the day he would had at least smiled. He turned his back to me, facing the counter. He started the water and put the plate under it. But I continued, starting with the hardest topic immediately, and I decided that I would keep my end up. "So, what do you know about Rose?"

A few moments of silence followed my words. I was starting to think that he'd just pretend that he didn't even heard the question, but then he finally answered.

"Nothing. I haven't heard from her since I've come home." At least he took the topic calmly this time, unlike in the shed.

"And it isn't even inquire you how she is?"

"I… she's alright, I'm sure. She's moved on."

"Are you sure?" I asked, but he didn't answer to this one. I changed my tactics. "You know, while you were… in Novosibirsk, Rose spent a few days here."

"I know. We… we talked about you. She told me how you were. It was before…" He didn't finish the sentence, but I knew what he wanted to say. It was before he became a dhampir again. It was before Rose went back to the States. Even though he didn't talk about it, we knew that as a Strigoi he held Rose captive for some time.

"I miss her, you know? She's a really nice girl, and imagine that, she was even able to impress Grandma in the end. And that's not a small thing to do, you know that." I allowed myself to let out a little giggle.

"Yes. Rose is simply… amazing. I have never met a woman like her before." I couldn't see his face, but there was something in his voice what gave me a little hope. Amazement, longing – the faint shadow of the old Dimitri. A little evidence that he loved Rose at least as much as the girl loved him. This gave me a little courage.

"Why won't you call her? We could invite her here for week or two – I'm sure she'd get some time off. We haven't seen her since Easter. Even Paul is missing her." The muscles in Dimitri's back tensed.

"No. I've already told you. She's moved on." His voice was completely emotionless again, but I knew him better to fall for this. I was sure that there was a real thunder of emotions raging inside him in that moment.

"Why are you so sure of this?" Silence. A horrible thought started to take form in my mind. That girl had travelled through half of the world, taking every danger only for my brother's sake. She had risked her own life for him, she would have done anything for him… I couldn't imagine that now, that Dimitri had become more or less himself again, she would just forget him. That she would just move on, as Dimitri stated it. No. What was burning in that girl ran deeper than that. Something that was for a life, something she wouldn't throw away just like that. There was something I was missing… something wrong… "What did you say to her?" It came out as an accusation. He froze for a moment, the dishcloth, with what he was drying the plate stilled in his hand.

"Nothing that would do any harm to her. This will be better for her in the end, believe me."

"Dimitri, what the hell did you say to her?" I stood up. He didn't answer. "Dimitri, I'm serious!"

A crash. Suddenly the plate was lying on the floor in million little pieces.

"Whatever I said to her is not your business! I have done what I have done because it is the way it should be! She can't stick to somebody like me, somebody who has been destroyed, who can't take care of her, who can't love her the way she deserves! She has to move on to be happy!" He faced me while talking, almost shouting. It was my turn to stay quiet. Seconds went on, and we were just watching each other, waiting for the other's next step. Dimitri was so full of anger and murderous passion and he was panting heavily. I was the one to break the silence in the end. My voice was hardly more than a whisper.

"Dimitri, you are my brother, my flesh and blood, and I love you so much, but you are the greatest idiot on the face of Earth. Now you think that you are doing the right thing, but you are wrong. And by the time you realize this, it might be too late. Right now, you are letting something really important slip from your hands, something you will never get back, and believe me, oh, believe me, you are so going to regret this one day."

We started into each other's eyes for a minute. He didn't say a word, didn't react in any way. I didn't even know if he would think about what I said. I didn't think he would. He hasn't reached that point yet where he would start thinking about what will happen after this. And now he was about to make a fatal mistake. He might have done it already.

In the end he broke, turned from me, and left without saying a word. He went upstairs, and a minute later I heard the door of his room open and close. Today, I was able to tip him out for a moment, but on the long run, I did nothing. I wasn't enough for this.

As I have already said, I don't believe in miracles – but now, I needed one. And I knew where to find one exactly.

I stepped to the phone on the wall without paying any attention to the pieces of the broken plate on the floor, and dialed the number which had been put there this spring. He picked it up after the second ring.

"Mr. Mazur? It's Karolina Belikova. Please, excuse me for bothering you at this time, but I would like to ask for your help in a very important issue. Could you please tell me how could I get in touch with Rose? It is rather urgent…"

**Liked it? If yes, then stay tuned for my upcoming full-lenght VA story, titled Double-edged Sword!**


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